Thinking about this for long. Am sliding into my lecturer's job comfortably. Teaching a batch of III/III MBBS kids who want "just the exam stuff", rounding with residents who are at best average, giving advice to prospective residents who are in a quandary about what field to take where; afternoons which drag incessantly through hours spent in the RMO mess which seem to lead into same things everyday over endless cups of tea, feeling lazy to venture beyond college in the morning to back home in the evening- the traffic sucks anyway, the heat is opressive, the sweat and dust cakes into unsightly muck on my face; don't feel bad about getting bored reading, pick the bag and set off home. Driving used to be a time to reflect, now its just about avoiding an idiot who wants to cut across the signal or make it across while the railway crossing is open.Calls are manageable.Admissions are not many.OPDs are not really exciting.No one seems to say I am wrong at anything.
Want to feel angst, but the inertia to overcome to just indulge in constructive thought seems.........well,... not okay. But am surprised at my not doing anything about it.
Wither inspiration? It seems to have become into just the act of breathing. Existing.Merging, homogenizing. I need a whack on the bottom, a pull at the collar and a push from behind. Am waiting for it.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Albany ka Munnabhai
Article flicked from CBS website:
By salary standards, Bob Paeglow may be the
least-successful doctor in America, CBS News
correspondent Steve Hartman reports in this
week's Assignment America.
He's got thousands of patients, but not one
country club membership. His family lives
in the worst neighborhood in Albany, N.Y.
Fortunately, Paeglow didn't go into
medicine for the money. He went into it �
pretty late in life � because he kept
having a vision of himself in old age he
didn't like: "That the world was no better
because I was a part of it than if I'd
never been born."
At the age of 36, Bob gave up his career as
a quality control technician, went to
medical school and set out to improve the
quality of the planet.
He opened his office in a neighborhood
where most doctors wouldn't open their car
door, and welcomed in all the people
mainstream medicine would rather ignore.
People like Belinda.
Belinda is a first-time patient. She has
clinical depression � but no insurance.
"I can't in good conscience sit in front
of a patient and say, 'You need this and
I can't help you, get out of here.'I
can't let that happen," Paeglow says. "My
people are going to get what they need to
the best of my ability."
In this case, that means visits with a
counselor, at Paeglow's expense. In other
cases, it means giving his patients not
only a prescription but a check to pay
for it. Not to mention that he provides a
lot of non-medical care.
Lateesha has been going through a tough
time lately. Her dad � one of Paeglow's
patients � is fighting colon cancer.
That's why the doctor prescribed a little
distraction: He threw her a little
birthday party.
He does this kind of thing all the time.
"One time I was in a bind and I wasn't
able to purchase Christmas for my son and
he purchased Christmas for my son," a
patient says. He bought him a new coat,
new gloves, and a race track.
"Dr. Bob's my heart," she adds. "He is."
Paeglow takes absolutely no salary and
survives mostly on donations, reports
Hartman. But even when people give him
money for him, he usually plugs it right
back into the practice. Every penny he
makes goes back to his patients in one
way or another.
Does that make him the least-successful
doctor in America?
Or the most?
Koinonia Primary Care
Attention: Dr. Robert Paeglow
553 Clinton Avenue
Albany, NY 12206
By salary standards, Bob Paeglow may be the
least-successful doctor in America, CBS News
correspondent Steve Hartman reports in this
week's Assignment America.
He's got thousands of patients, but not one
country club membership. His family lives
in the worst neighborhood in Albany, N.Y.
Fortunately, Paeglow didn't go into
medicine for the money. He went into it �
pretty late in life � because he kept
having a vision of himself in old age he
didn't like: "That the world was no better
because I was a part of it than if I'd
never been born."
At the age of 36, Bob gave up his career as
a quality control technician, went to
medical school and set out to improve the
quality of the planet.
He opened his office in a neighborhood
where most doctors wouldn't open their car
door, and welcomed in all the people
mainstream medicine would rather ignore.
People like Belinda.
Belinda is a first-time patient. She has
clinical depression � but no insurance.
"I can't in good conscience sit in front
of a patient and say, 'You need this and
I can't help you, get out of here.'I
can't let that happen," Paeglow says. "My
people are going to get what they need to
the best of my ability."
In this case, that means visits with a
counselor, at Paeglow's expense. In other
cases, it means giving his patients not
only a prescription but a check to pay
for it. Not to mention that he provides a
lot of non-medical care.
Lateesha has been going through a tough
time lately. Her dad � one of Paeglow's
patients � is fighting colon cancer.
That's why the doctor prescribed a little
distraction: He threw her a little
birthday party.
He does this kind of thing all the time.
"One time I was in a bind and I wasn't
able to purchase Christmas for my son and
he purchased Christmas for my son," a
patient says. He bought him a new coat,
new gloves, and a race track.
"Dr. Bob's my heart," she adds. "He is."
Paeglow takes absolutely no salary and
survives mostly on donations, reports
Hartman. But even when people give him
money for him, he usually plugs it right
back into the practice. Every penny he
makes goes back to his patients in one
way or another.
Does that make him the least-successful
doctor in America?
Or the most?
Koinonia Primary Care
Attention: Dr. Robert Paeglow
553 Clinton Avenue
Albany, NY 12206
Sunday, February 25, 2007
AAuu Reboir, thankyu
Finally have managed to solve the blog jhol. Could see my blog after ages. Saakshaat Vithu paavla asa vatle. No thats a hyperbole because I am partly opiated by sleep at an unearthly hour, and partly disabled by the synaesthesias created by a tab of Ativan.
My sense of coordination has gone for a toss.I can feel the ataxia of my drunken fingers....so it shall be an acheivement if I can type sometihing compos mentis out of this.The mosambi peel seems thicker than usual...and the bibs set my jaw in to a jigThe ease with which the bolus of half masticated mosambi pulp slides through the esophagus creates a musical whoosh, thud as it lands into the fundus of the stomach.GLP sears through,stomach distends and opium flushes the gray gyri and sulci again.
Dont trip me, I shall fall. But it wont hurt. My feet feel like rubber.
Anyways: I know I am not as sugarily endowed or DENTally delectable as my cousin Denty...but i do need to say thanks to many soulkeepers who bore with my passive aggressive rants while I stayed with them in the US.
Ramu--had never lived so long with my brother since 10 years. And I have had a friends in the past where distance led us apart.
To Shalini...to whom I might have been a pain in the back. But I was very frustrated by all the inactivity, and would unconsciously project it on to her.But she was gracious and forgiving and .........no I never cooked when she did.
Lakshmi: aap mahaan ho.In all the stress of your painfully overkill schedule you did so well. Tumhara khana naseeb hua, bahut hua.
Rajesh- never knew you , hadnt seen much of you before.But I thoroughly enjoyed the one month I spent at Reading......have chitappa also to thank.
Ananya: I had the opportunity to see your toddler years which I might not get to see again.Everyone here still misses you.
Denish:You have had hard times.But the effort of travelling 2 hrs to make it to Norwood and be with us was heartening.
Vidya and Kiruba: Aapki shaadi mubarak.I told you once Vidya...jitna door tum ghar se raho, utne paas tum gharwalon ke ho jaate ho.This country rocks
At 17000 ft above ground level, I had written a different post to publish on blogger later.It was an assesment of my stay there as a summary. Shall post it some time later.Abhi my eyes are droopy.My touch on my skin feels unusually smoothened out.My nostrils are roomy with smells of the night.Getting arrectores pilorum -----feels like some Rushdiesque surreal mangrove forest with gods and heath and flies.And even thoughts wafting around like ghosts, randomly, unhindered.If you want to experience it go into the small cirrus of neurotransmitter puff.Maybe the midnight's children are transmitting waves through arabesque walls of Allhambrasque mosques and lapis lazuli laden spitoons.Not the best of times to reflect on gains and losses and existentialist kitsch.
Abu Reboir.Hic Hic. --(diaphragm ka bhi muscle relax ho gaya Ativan se)
My sense of coordination has gone for a toss.I can feel the ataxia of my drunken fingers....so it shall be an acheivement if I can type sometihing compos mentis out of this.The mosambi peel seems thicker than usual...and the bibs set my jaw in to a jigThe ease with which the bolus of half masticated mosambi pulp slides through the esophagus creates a musical whoosh, thud as it lands into the fundus of the stomach.GLP sears through,stomach distends and opium flushes the gray gyri and sulci again.
Dont trip me, I shall fall. But it wont hurt. My feet feel like rubber.
Anyways: I know I am not as sugarily endowed or DENTally delectable as my cousin Denty...but i do need to say thanks to many soulkeepers who bore with my passive aggressive rants while I stayed with them in the US.
Ramu--had never lived so long with my brother since 10 years. And I have had a friends in the past where distance led us apart.
To Shalini...to whom I might have been a pain in the back. But I was very frustrated by all the inactivity, and would unconsciously project it on to her.But she was gracious and forgiving and .........no I never cooked when she did.
Lakshmi: aap mahaan ho.In all the stress of your painfully overkill schedule you did so well. Tumhara khana naseeb hua, bahut hua.
Rajesh- never knew you , hadnt seen much of you before.But I thoroughly enjoyed the one month I spent at Reading......have chitappa also to thank.
Ananya: I had the opportunity to see your toddler years which I might not get to see again.Everyone here still misses you.
Denish:You have had hard times.But the effort of travelling 2 hrs to make it to Norwood and be with us was heartening.
Vidya and Kiruba: Aapki shaadi mubarak.I told you once Vidya...jitna door tum ghar se raho, utne paas tum gharwalon ke ho jaate ho.This country rocks
At 17000 ft above ground level, I had written a different post to publish on blogger later.It was an assesment of my stay there as a summary. Shall post it some time later.Abhi my eyes are droopy.My touch on my skin feels unusually smoothened out.My nostrils are roomy with smells of the night.Getting arrectores pilorum -----feels like some Rushdiesque surreal mangrove forest with gods and heath and flies.And even thoughts wafting around like ghosts, randomly, unhindered.If you want to experience it go into the small cirrus of neurotransmitter puff.Maybe the midnight's children are transmitting waves through arabesque walls of Allhambrasque mosques and lapis lazuli laden spitoons.Not the best of times to reflect on gains and losses and existentialist kitsch.
Abu Reboir.Hic Hic. --(diaphragm ka bhi muscle relax ho gaya Ativan se)
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Phunny
This is odd. I am able to post on the blog, but not view it. Anyone more enlightened on the subject to help? This is the ultimate karma cola - keep posting, not to see what shows to others.
Long time
Having some problems accessing my blog from home. Unable to post anything.Hope this goes through.As activity trundles along at varying pace, life and time go on incessantly, prefrontal lobotomised.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Good times, bad times
Good times, bad times; retribution, karma and consequence, 'form and class' are all ways of thinking that we have developed around the random assortment in which events occur in our realm.
Because our powers of statistical prediction of a p,0.05 or intuition ( 'gut feeling','work experience')do not serve us well all the time
and because
there is some regularity in irregularity( or so the brain is trained to think- we always look for patterns unconsciously, link up events- thats the way we are trained to remember, to assign significance to mundane everyday events. A someanyone is a somesignificantone of someknownONE; a random thing sticks in memory because of the nebula around it that we probed to link up with some other thing we know of)
we develop this sometimes absurd linking of events.
That a present was a consequence of an earlier.
Things do not turn out always as we expect, unexpected events factor in, performance varies - we did good or we did not do so good. This creates uncertainty that gives you the sweaty palms and queasy belly- autonomic responses that we are instinctively uncomfortable with.Uncertainity is also an uncomfortable emotion for the psyche.And because we attach a sense of morality or even fear to many things we do-thats the origin of the punitively conscientious 'kar bhala so ho bhala' or 'as you sow..'These are good comforters.Then we change thinking patterns to we did good or we did BAD.Punitive conscience becomes a nonpunitive ego-ideal.
Another form of linking of events that we do subconsciously but have prided as creation of human ingenuity/intelligence is the 'law of averages'That you have good times and bad times. This is contradictory with the above point in that if one keeps doing good then there should be no bad times at all.Kar bhala .....ho bhala should go in a positive feedback loop.But events do occur in a way that they are at times good for us and sometimes not so good for us.What sustains through is how one handles the events and what adaptive lessons one learns from them.Why someone has a longer cycle of good times and bad times while others seem to hop, skip and jump out of them is not a question of morality but stochastic probability.If we think so( it is tough to go against what is drilled into the id though) then it creates preparedness for events- not a false sense of security or hopelessness.
Because our powers of statistical prediction of a p,0.05 or intuition ( 'gut feeling','work experience')do not serve us well all the time
and because
there is some regularity in irregularity( or so the brain is trained to think- we always look for patterns unconsciously, link up events- thats the way we are trained to remember, to assign significance to mundane everyday events. A someanyone is a somesignificantone of someknownONE; a random thing sticks in memory because of the nebula around it that we probed to link up with some other thing we know of)
we develop this sometimes absurd linking of events.
That a present was a consequence of an earlier.
Things do not turn out always as we expect, unexpected events factor in, performance varies - we did good or we did not do so good. This creates uncertainty that gives you the sweaty palms and queasy belly- autonomic responses that we are instinctively uncomfortable with.Uncertainity is also an uncomfortable emotion for the psyche.And because we attach a sense of morality or even fear to many things we do-thats the origin of the punitively conscientious 'kar bhala so ho bhala' or 'as you sow..'These are good comforters.Then we change thinking patterns to we did good or we did BAD.Punitive conscience becomes a nonpunitive ego-ideal.
Another form of linking of events that we do subconsciously but have prided as creation of human ingenuity/intelligence is the 'law of averages'That you have good times and bad times. This is contradictory with the above point in that if one keeps doing good then there should be no bad times at all.Kar bhala .....ho bhala should go in a positive feedback loop.But events do occur in a way that they are at times good for us and sometimes not so good for us.What sustains through is how one handles the events and what adaptive lessons one learns from them.Why someone has a longer cycle of good times and bad times while others seem to hop, skip and jump out of them is not a question of morality but stochastic probability.If we think so( it is tough to go against what is drilled into the id though) then it creates preparedness for events- not a false sense of security or hopelessness.
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