Knowledge speaks, Wisdom pretends to listen

Yogi Berra says when you come to a fork on the road, take it.

I am trying to develop a lateral view to things I see and feel everyday- it may involve keeping a distance from all the shindig to develop a 'broader' perspective of things. So I see everything as it happens, feel everything like it should but am not there in participative mode. I am 6 inches above the ground in a holier than thou gear fornicating with my Quasimojo. In this mode, even probing questions can be skillfully deflected with a "depends , on your point of reference" flick off my sleeves- dhamaal invincibility.

I could write nothing for a 100 Q paper and claim it to be my POV, whats my fault, I am diagonally parked in this parallel universe.

You might call me ch#*ya....I could call you something else...but thats besides the point. Somebody has to be the broad boy- and call Carpe diem. If Windows 7 and Ubuntu Linux have to cohabit, someone has to be the wise one.

Because all the world's a stage, and all the men and women are merely players. Each one they have their exits and entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts

But................................ Sheikh Ispiar to ek hi bana na......jo tangdi taang ke je tamasha dekha

And there was one Jesus who said, "God forgive them, for they know not what they say/do"

Abhi ch#*yon, jao chalo karo ch#*yagiri.....

When I should be writing my PS

I bore through two and half hours of West Side Story and Arundhati Rao's Come September and another reading of 'The Howl's eli eli llama homosexual rantings.

Is it good or bad to be impressionable- each one is affected differently by what is crap for one, kitsch for another, spur to someone else? Is it a harm to be enthusiastic? Should one pretend moral superiority and lose the innocence of the action reaction spiel, and be deliberative and not get the high of now and done- whats next?

I have been trying to think. But conventional ramblings keep me busy.

Dr Druker's interview with the NYT

Dr Brian Druker was awarded the Lasker science award for developing Imatinib mesylate with Charles Sawyers from MSK and Nicholas Lydon from Novartis.

This is about the magic cancer bullet

With cold coffee at an unearthly hour, after a looong time...

I always thought writing a paper while doing residency in India was tough and that you would never find the time in the midst of all the emerg/post emerg/pre emerg cycle of actiwitty. I never thought handling 80 patients and seeing consults, doing procedures rat-a-tat-tat-tat was ever an issue then. If yo get free time, you would rather spend it on watching a movie at Sterling or Regal and fine dining at Crystal or Cafe Mondegar or Bhagat Tarachand. And why not wake early, not to do schlolarly activity, but to go to the railway ground to run a couple of three kilometres every now and then, coz you could always take a siesta by the side room after you do the routine ward work.And so when push comes to shove with your theses, you run to DP Singh at TISS or try out trial versions of SPSS really trusting your acumen and luck with the games of trial and error and hoping your p value works out.

I thought writing a paper while in the US would be easy- especially with the fact that residency would not be such a pain in the derriere, time would be at more surplus since management questions wont take forever and clicks of the finger that underlined pages after pages of Harrison would make ailments vanish.

Alas, here 10 patients tire you out. The greatest task at hand seems to be jousting against all the data thrown at you wondering what is relevant and what is non necessary, trying to figure which among the past medical issues needs more digging and which is just another episode in the unending treadmill test that healthcare is viewed as in this developed world.

Not staying in campus- why call it residency then?- cuts you off from working when you like to, and residency becomes a stretched out 8-5 routine where you do a bit extra in form of calls, signouts and all that.

The task of the day is writing a note in the first year, dispo in second year, dispo and managing the census in a smart alecky way in third year. Abraham Verghese's i-patient is very much existent on a busy day when time is at premium and as vitals and I/O are available on COWS- confessions from interns! Work becomes "work" in the true Dilbertamerican way; people judge you, and you need to be mindful of their judgements aware that they have a right to judge you in this 360 degree assessment cumulonimbus thats so pervasive. Uniformity is encouraged as it means productivity, lateralness is frowned upon, protocols are gospel truths.

So when do you sit and analyse what you saw and write abut it? I guess that comes when you do bench work research and stay poor, for the smart ones are seeing more patients in 15 min encounters and making more money!!

Some of my friends who never did clinical work in India do not feel that the emperor's clothes aren't there at all. I guess working in different scenarios gives you spectacles that you can choose to wear or toss, for quite too often WYSInotWYG.

Have a weekend off after some time. Will try to submit something I have been sitting on for some time. Again, I also need to enjoy - when will I have a weekend off again!!

Whats going on.....

Just like that ek post dalna tha

Presented a case from KEM Hospital in Mumbai which we took care of- a case of difficulty weaning which was due to an empty sells syndrome with panhypopituitarism- at the rheumatology challenge at GSH. There was some malaria for lazeez fare and DRK management for laissez faire, chloroquine and artesunate which is like stibogluconate and eflornithine for the C difficult audience.
Was a decent presentation I thought. - gives me some free time now since I am free. Left me with an estomago dolor though, with Chow baba snoring away and food too plenty to eat. I thought of it as a break from the MRSA VRE fluid overload story of daily grind.
Gonna try and keep ready for elective time, long drives and traffic, new places, new people and working towards that letter of recommendation.

I dream meanwhile of the rains in Pune, the greenery of malshej ghat and the beauty of Varanda at its summit, Karjat ghat ,the Bhugaon exit from Paud road and its lustrous wet green vallies and circuitous roads and small hamlets, getting drenched in the waters near the Temghar dam, eating bhaji and chaha on Sinhagad, the bumpy ride to Panshet backwaters- of being able to get drenched and dry your clothes in one single motorcycle ride to Bhatghar dharan, pedalling on rotten pedal boats in sunkissed mist- kya maza hai yaara!!!
Kabhi apna wahan ghar hoga. Mukunda Mukunda Krishna Varanda Varanda

Disco Bombo bulatory

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the world is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more wierd and inexplicable. There is another theory that states that this has already happened.

As I ambulate, and walk the walk through allergy and immunology and endocrine clinics, I come across Golgafrinchans who have made it to planet earth and then across the Atlantic from Lords and fjords powered by the Heart of Gold to an economy them it can't hold; through internet acquired knowledge and the naive asagacity of putting 1 and 1 as 11, waddling over replaced hips, amputated legs, opiod induced ennui, to few moments of conversations with the Lord of the Syringes and Plasticinated Heart Tubes.

"Appy-polly-logies, I am just a resident, shadowing the attending. Howdy you? Viddy good?"

"Huh huh"

"So what brings you here? "

"Whaddya tinkin? Again cellulitis of the thigh- I always have staph, they always give me Vanco. But now I need the narco. "

"And when did you have the leg surgery?"

"Imawh leg- them done with seben , awd no eight surgeries. 3 amputations on my right leg, 2 on my left leg , 2 hips replaced and 1 knee that has been replaced, but keeps having to have pellets in it"

"You must have had diabetes?"

"Yaya, with the kidney disease,- I am on dialysis , mwa fistula failed 6 times, then had a Hickman done on mwa chester, I also had a kidney taken out for cancer.Then where does it viddy go---yes master , to the heart they say- I had around 5 attacks of the heart, finally they put me a shocker pacer dingi. Someone doc told me I had syphilis of the heart..I always thought it smashes your stinky winky, tut tut.

Then id also viddies your nerves- I have something they call CIDP, with lead toxicity. Ruins in my family.The neuro guy thought it was due to that. But personally the pan galactic gargle blaster does that sometimes to you. They had tested me and found me to have Lupus, so they say. It shows up sometimes, other times it just hides, just like a Gollum following you with round green eyes.I have been on steroids, Coumadin and all that"

"Who thought you had Lupus?"

"I donno. Might be the guy who did the bronchoscopy."

"And why did he do that?"

" My guess is as good as Zaphod Beeblebrox's I guess he just guessed.And then made the gesticulation of aye to me after he called the joint guy on the phone. They gave me something called methotricksstate- it destroyed my liver- had to get that transplanted."

"Any other surgeries?"

" Eight other on my abdomen. Started with a hysterotomy- went to hernia repair and finally adhesions, had gangrene of my bowels, had a colostomy- nice poopy tube for the frontrunners meatinx"

"What medications are you on?"

"28 pills in all a day-I need refills on Dilaudid 10 mg QID and Oxycontin 160 mg BID for now."

"Where is all that pain?"

" I ache all over. My back- from PID,my neck from fibromyalgia, my upper back from osteoporosis. I have rods in my spine from gunshot wound related fractures from the Vogon war at Megarathea.Everytime I cough, it hurts"

" And why do you cough?"

" I had COPD and MAC infection- from all the hookah smoking watching kirkit matches. Thats why I had the bronchoscopy soopid"

" Hmm""

" Whaddya mean hmm....stop hmming...thats not a good sign...just hmming and not giving me some info...stop..aah...Am I going to die?"

"My guess is as good as Zaphod Beeblebrox's"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No reference or similarity to any person living or dead in the above

Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.

Goof ups are universal- like so many I have seen here in the last couple of weeks. People need to collect and acknowledge them and say, perhaps in the larger perspective, 'guys, today is the first day of the rest of our lives', lets get on.Unfortunately someone has to be fall guy and take blame- coz if there is no one to blame, who gets praise, how does the company improve. Corporate humbug.

Oh...how I wish suckers kept to sucking and did not mechanize every bit of life, air, aerosol into stochastic pigeonhole slots.

Anyways ........ am on Tamiflu....as PEP. This is my fifth PEP session. I have had 2 forHIV, one for HepB, one for rabies- and by far the most expensive one here. If I count the countless tabs of Doxy that i gulped down while leptospirae squished along in the lungs of the chappaled mumbai gentry, this would be my sixth.

Medecines do not affect me in the way they might affect many others. I am so convinced about placebo effect and destiny-epiphenomenon axis being major outcome influencing variables that I can challenge a RCT on me and me clones of any whatchamacallitumab drug compared with M and Ms. Nocebo effect you may call that. But the PLOS metaanalysis of antidepressants makes me wonder- why should it not be ethical to prescribe placebo medications just to make someone 'feel better'

Take away your medicines, and what are you? Omniscient nomojo. So despite the fact that you know that they really don't work, you continue to give Paxil and Abilify - why? You are practising placebo medicine aren't you? Do you know you are?

There's so far to go to even realise that there's so much you do not even know. It is a good habit to learn KCP's stylish deflection " I have treated to as much I know, now it it up to HIM"