Came across this
website in the WSJ health blog. Kevin MD does a great job really Digging up stuff from every known place on the www. Well here's the news: Siemens is offering a 1.5 T MRI scanner to the hospital which comes up with the best video detailing its reasons why it deserves to get one free of charge. Some of the videos are outright hilarious- watch the granny one.I don't know if it's intended.
I wonder.......,WTF....., I bite my orbicularis oris....
When we got an MR machine at KEM, it was the first MR machine in a municipal hospital in Mumbai, and one of the best in the city. It stood packed in huge boxes for some time because they could not carry it to the first floor where the MR console is now located. So they had to demolish a part of the wall, use a crane loader to lift it to first level, and then rebuild the wall.Of course, the KEM building being of some heritage value, the paperwork took some time coming through.
And there used to be such a long wait period for MRs in the initial months, this being the place all other hospitals would refer their patients to, people would have average wait periods of 2-3 months!! And getting an appointment for an indoor patient was an equally painful experience. Of course as we started reading MRs with the MR team, we came to be acquainted with each other more. I always had it easy referring a patient for an MR, coz them guys knew my referrals to be genuinely indicated, unlike some other colleagues of mine who had a tough time getting the job done- hehe!
My HP nearly cooked the goose on that one:
I had a patient with a double valve replacement who developed an ADEM like condition after an exanthematous fever. My houseman scheduled an MR, and sure enough Darshana/Yogesh obliged promptly. While rounding in the evening I asked my HP where the patient was. He said, " woh to MR ke liye gaya."
"What??!!!" , I stared back as if the great God had smote me down with a huge scimitar, too bewildered to shoot an abuse even.
Primum non nocere( first,do no harm) is a cardinal rule we learn on the first day of medical school.
"You"....I fumbled..."bloody murderer". That was all I could manage for all the venomous upsurge.
" The valve will rip through his chest in that magnetic field"
( Some of you medically educated guys might have got the plot already. Others, come over to edge of your seats and read on as to how the motivated medicine resident saved the day.)
I shat my pants running down to the MR room trying to see if he had got in the gantry already, hoping that a flying Medtronic Hall valve hadn't damaged the machine besides of course ripping his chest apart.That I presumed was a foregone conclusion. 'I hope his sutures held strong.God, my license....weird thoughts buzzed through my brain randomly.
I was done. He was inside, with the queer humming sounds emanating from the room.
" Chalu hai?" I asked with bated breath.
" Fir kya?!" Yogesh said.
" Nothing happened I hope", I asked, biting my lips. "Valve hai uske mitral and aortic position mein"
" Abbe c#%@ye !!! Bataya kyon nahi " he howled at me open eyed, perspiring fast.Something similar had hit him too probably. Suddenly I felt in my HPs unenviable position, expecting the murderer word to come any moment.
" Idiot, isn't it your job?" I asked, knowing that it was a weak hit back, but I had an ass to save.
Then it struck both us pathetic retards simultaneously- if it hadn't happened till now, it wouldn't happen from now.Man, is it not a great feeling when the heart, that has sunk to your bollocks rises up relieved, beating like a wretched hummingbird!!! We researched and found out that the valves are MR compatible. The patient was discharged a week from then, with around 70% recovery, his valves safe and clicking away merrily. Subkuch TickTock hai.
Another MR story....... to get some dil ki bhadaas out...I mean WTF...a
free machine...: a free machine!!:
Anyways:
There are people who work in the BMC who wear the BMC badge all so proudly!! These are the folks who are actually never found at work. They hang out in groups at the canteen sipping chai, gossip, go to 'aunty's' and get drunk in daytime, abuse nursing staff, look out for opportunities to strike work at smallest provocation to their mojo, ally with notorious corporators, act as recommendation guys-" saab, isko dekh ke lo haan, apna dost hai!!"- at OPDs, and make a buck out of it.They would prefer this mode of work to what the BMC pays them for: sweep or mop corridors, ferry patients, help in the wards.
And they will break lines in the OPD and thrust their paper in your face saying, " Shtaff hai!!"To which I have suppressed many a frustrated "so what motherf@#$er" under gritted teeth and murderous expression.One similar aayabai association chief from Nair Hospital comes to our OPD one busy Monday.
" Saab, MRI karne ka"
" Kyon?"
" Magaj mein dard hota hai"
After I get through a history, I conclude that this lady with a tension headache needs no imaging.So I go, " karne ka garaj nahi hai."
" Pan mereko karne ka hai na. Maine NAir mein Shitti scan kiya, Usmein kucch nahi dika. Roj magaj thanthanaata hai. Kaam ko bhi nahi gayi ek mahine se. "( Gasp)
"Kuch to fault hai"( yeah, u have your ass and brain in the wrong places, lets do a bilateral hemispherectomy!!) "Aur mein shtaff hai na, mufat mein ho jayega, aap chinta mat karo kharche ka."( Gasp, gasp!!)
I refused to write an MR for her. To which she said she knew the Asst Dean. I said I didn't know him...I said that sacchi.Pronto, the bitch goes to the Asst Dean, a glorified idiot who decided to quit academic pursuits after MBBS was too much for him, and I get a call.
" Karun taak ki. Kaay problem aahe?"
" Sir mala vaatat nahi tila laagnaar."
" Tujhya seniors la vichaarlas ka?"
" Yes sir" ( you filthy bastard!!)
" Kaay ahe, hi loka nantar khoop problems detaat. Press valyankade gela tar problem hoil re.Asha conditions madhe apan karun takaycha." ( Yeah yeah, teri bhains ko anda maru...)
" Theek aahe, sir pathvun dya tila"
And then I cocked the ultimate snoop.Dawg!!Vaibhav, my friend was registrar at the 'headache OPD'- a recent flight of fancy method by Dr Mehta to waste a resident's afternoon of good reading. I told her," udhar magaj ke special doctor baith te hain. Unka final hota hai. Woh bole to haan, nahi bole to naa. Chalega tumko?"
'Bade doctor' Vaibhav gave her TCAs and a fit to resume duty certificate. no MRI. I did the MR guys a favor. I never got an MR request refused. Thats why!!