I am.........

Mulling over lots of things...........,

Waiting to get some time to myself.........,

Checking lab values on my CCU patients, half guilty to be on Mozilla and Azyxxi at the same time....,

Eating Graham's crackers and snack biscuits with Sumatra coffee to keep me awake...,

Thinking about points of no return and then thinking maybe it is all relative to which direction you are pointed to initially...........,

Wondering where my reading habits went....,

Trying to read end of life care from the UMMC website, arguing with microcerebrate ER nurses, correcting Calcium,Mag,phos on phone-wondering about whether it really matters in the end to have pristine numbers on your metabolic facebook page......,

Still getting a hang of: - living amidst the panicogens of C diff-MRSA-VRE-ESBL than Kochs ; Percocet- Dilaudid-Darvon than Fortwin-Phenergan........,

Waiting for warmer weather, longer days........,

Moving, or trying to...from laissez-faire mode to hitch hiking mode.....,

Wishful I had my own books here, planning my MRCP, also wanting to do a part time masters, struggling to keep up with my research modules..........,

Flipped out at how someone can have a Minnesota tube shoved in for 2 days, have 30 pRBCs and countless FFPs transfused, still bleed like a tap at endo, and finally be made comfort care, never awaken and die......,

mulling over a lot of things..........,


Essentially.

The rest of ......being.....or not being

Quite as much as I sometimes regret not learning Shakespeare and English poetry from tatha while he was alive- I was weak in maths and needed my dose of Hall and Knight to kindle my left brain too , I also am thankful to some of my teachers who chose to rush through the State board books so that they could teach us some' real stuff'.

I have never met Ms Ramaswamy later, but the pains she took to etch Othello's soliloquy " It is the cause, It is the cause, my soul......" into my memory, or the para by para pauses she took while we painfully trundled through Wilkie Collins' Chandraphattar, or when she let me do my stuff when I differed from what she advised- and ended up hopelessly wrong, all, quite make her the best teacher I have had.

Was reading the rest of the lines after the most quoted lines of Hamlet. We were taught just the first four lines....and I thought that was it. I figured out that the rest was too heavy on existentialist stuff...too much for 8th graders. But then for blogPOST- erity, here goes:

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispriz'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.